The Apostles only came up with three sins to stay away from for the gentiles, to protect us. Not to restrict us. One of them is against our bodies, sexual immorality. Through adultery or fornication, we develop emotional bonds that open us up to a myriad of other transgressions. Lying is at the top of the list, broken homes, sometimes blackmail even murder, just read about King David, or watch court TV. It is something that always leads to devastating financial loss and can easily lead to death by a jealous husband or wife. Extra marital affairs start with innocent back and forth banter. Stop it quickly before it takes on a life of its own. We don’t suddenly wake up in a hotel room with someone we are not married to. We take steps to get there. Affairs never stay hidden, it’s only a matter of time before they are exposed. The clock is always ticking and as proverbs puts it: “what’s done in secret will be shouted from the roof top”.

     I recently watched a video about sexual orientation therapy for homosexuals that want to leave the lifestyle. One gentleman described the aftermath of his sexual experience as empty. He kept looking to the next sexual experience for fulfillment.  It occurred to me that before my first marriage and in the 9yr span between marriages the aftermath of my heterosexual experiences were also empty. Sex without the spiritual aspect is counterfeit. The empty feeling the guy gets after a one-night stand is why he doesn’t call the girl back. He is looking for the next conquest hoping he won’t get that empty feeling. The world says there is no difference between marriage and living together. The difference is commitment, and it is based on conditional love. God wants us to love our spouse with His kind of love which is unconditional.  Couples that live together have to live with the fact that this might be a temporary arrangement and could end without warning or entanglement. They can never be completely honest with each other or as the bible puts it become one flesh. When the woman gives in to the living together compromise, it is the first compromise of many, she gets a man that could live with her Vs. marrying a man that loves God that can’t live without her. Same sex marriage is now legal. They settle for being legally bound, missing out on holy matrimony and their divorces are just as devastating. 

     A word to Men! We cannot look at a little bit of porn any more than we can eat a half of a teaspoon of our favorite ice cream out of a 5-gallon bucket. It has to stay off limits for every man. Serial-killers like Ted Bundy and all rapist have their history in porn. A wife equates a husband looking at porn as if he is cheating on her.

     Lust is something all men have to control. A good technique is to categorize the women that we meet, according to our age. The categories would be mother, sister, daughter and granddaughter. And when a woman is dressed over the top provocatively, we must see her as a sister with low self-esteem and high drama. She feels that is the only way she can attract a man. However, we men know she will only attract men looking for sport sex and not the lifelong relationship that she is looking for. Hopefully, a Titus 2 woman will help her raise her self-esteem. Men it is “not our job” to offer her council.

     A word to single men! You may think having sex for sport is meaningless. However, women don’t see it that way, they develop sole ties. You are creating baggage and drama that will show up to spoil your future serious relationships as soon as they start. Don’t let sport sex ruin your opportunity of finding the Godly woman of your dreams.

     A word to Teenagers! Don’t get caught in the sex trap. Life can be a lot of fun with a lot of laughter, in a group setting. Enjoy doing all the things kids do for fun. Once you and your partner start having sex, your relationship becomes about the sex. Life becomes more serious, with less laughter, fun group events and having fun dates will end. Your dates will consist of looking for places to have sex without getting caught. Everything else goes by the wayside. When you break up, you may get branded with an undesirable label and as proverbs puts it, your ill repute may have no end.

     Sex without the spiritual side will make the emotional side fade quickly for the guys. The physical side becomes just a convenient sexual relation as the need arises for him with no attachment. However, not so for the girl, her life remains on hold, as she waits for a genuine relationship with this guy that cares less and less about her.

     After I made the choice to set my God given measure of love on God it began to grow. When my love for God surpassed my love for sins that had me bound, He delivered me, and cleaned me up enough to bring a Godly woman into my life. He told me to cherish her. I did that by trusting God and waiting till our wedding night, something unheard of for a couple in their 40s entering their second marriage. Our experience is physical, emotional, spiritual and completely satisfying. Well above our expectations.

     A word from my wife here to the women. Let’s say that a husband is the sole provider and makes $1000 a week. He gives his wife $300 and holds back $700. He forces his wife to endlessly struggle every week to make ends meet. Would she be tempted to take on side work to ease her struggle? God told me early in my marriage not to let my husband burn.

     The point is the wife is his sole provider for sex, he has nowhere to go to get fulfilled in that area, she is it. If she holds back, it forces him to continually struggle with temptation in that area. That is an area where she has total control, it would not take much for her to have a content husband. Contentment or resentment the choice belongs to the wife. I knew a man who was having an affair. And was shocked that his wife wanted to divorce him. He Loved his wife but had convinced himself that he was doing his wife a favor. She would deny him sex for months at a time. So, he didn’t want to bother her anymore.

     Sometimes women put their whole lives on hold. True story: my wife Patty went to cosmetology school with a girl that had been dating a married man for 2 years. He was about to get a divorce and found out his wife was pregnant, but as soon as the child was one year old then he will get a divorce and marry the girlfriend. After a year had passed, he moved then timeline up to when the child started school. Patty saw her in a diner 20 years later they ran to the lady’s room all excited, hugging, jumping up and down. Patty asked if that was him. She replied, yes, it is. Patty then asked how long they were married. She said she wasn’t married yet, but as soon as his daughter graduates from college they will be getting married. Wow! This girl never went on a real public date or spent one holiday with him. She will never have children with him. Instead of letting God bring a Godly man into her life that would love and cherish her. She settled for a counterfeit second hand physical relationship.

     If your spouse or potential spouse loves God, they will know how to love you. If they don’t love God, they can only love themselves. You can not change them. Too many women have spent decades trying. Only Christ can change them, if they let Him. (meaning) God will keep giving them opportunities to come to Him. But they usually have a whole list of excuses why they don’t.